dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
