Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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