he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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