I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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