But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
