Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
