Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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