Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
