some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
