whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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