Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
