my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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