You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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