There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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