your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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