I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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