Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
