Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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