he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
