I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
