dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
