Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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