I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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