Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
