ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
