boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
