Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
