I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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