Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
