very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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