I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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