jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
