are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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