She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
