She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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