Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
did i walk over a car last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
