before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if only i could text you this smell
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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