I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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