Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
