you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
