Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
