I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
