you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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