We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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