He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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