ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
