now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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