I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
