I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
