it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
