Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
