I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
