Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
