Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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