Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we're so committed to being not committed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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