You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
