If i come over, it means nothing
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
